Ahh where to begin. I was pregnant for the very first time with our son! I generally had a great overall pregnancy experience. I was working full time at a school and we were so very excited. I had zero symptoms from the beginning. I did spot occasionally in the first trimester, which was very scary but all seemed to be okay! We couldn’t wait to see what we were having at the 20 week ultrasound and I didn’t wanna do a ton of blood work for the Nipt testing so I ordered an online gender kit called “sneak peek” and we found out at 9 weeks in we were having a special little boy!

I instantly knew how I wanted to decorate your room. I chose a blue bear theme. We were graciously given an old crib from uncle clint that your nana and pappy had bought them to use with their three boys. We Painted the walls, and I spent every single day in your room until you arrived anxiously awaiting your arrival. I was nervous, it’s so scary to have a baby especially your first. I had never been pregnant before everything was so new to me and I’m so happy I had your dad to help me go through this experience.

Becoming a mom was always my goal in life. I had three goals. Becoming a wife, becoming a mom and living a happy life with my family. I’ve got all three. I am set for life! I didn’t know what it took to be a mom and everyone said it would just click. In the beginning of newborn life I wouldn’t say it clicked as much as it was fight or flight for you. I wanted to be around you at all times. I couldn’t leave your side. I was obsessed with your every move. I didn’t know what I was doing but I tried my best to think I know I did.

April came around and the world shut down. Schools and businesses closed, people weren’t allowed to leave their homes, toilet paper became sparse and you could forget about trying to find any disinfectant cleaner. Everyone started to hoard items and it was hard for the people like us to get what we needed. On top of this crazy epidemic your dad quit his job of 12 years due to a lot of reasons. That’s another story I’ll post sometime. So both your dad and I aren’t working and we are 7 months pregnant. It was a scary time. At this point in time no one knew much about Covid so we didn’t truly know what to think of it.

We were told no one was allowed in the hospital with us when we delivered you. We had to wear a mask every where we went. Stores, appointments and gas stations. Our maternity photoshoot was cancelled due to Covid and I couldn’t get anyone to take new born photos of you. It was too much of a risk for anyone. Your dad took maternity photos of us! He did so good.

The world was shut down and I was terrified of contacting Covid because I didn’t want to risk your life, I didn’t want you taken away from me at birth if I had Covid. I had read so many articles where that had happened. We stayed home the last 3 months on pregnancy and didn’t do much of anything. I wanted to make sure I was the very first thing you saw when you came into this world. We went out on daily walks and spend time outdoors. The world began to separate with opinions and facts. It was a scary time. How selfish of us to being such an innocent child into this world of hate? Life isn’t butterflies and rainbows, my wish is to lead you to believe this as a child but with age I hope to mature you with reality and structure. You are already a strong boy and I have no doubt you can make it through this heartless world of hate.

No visitors were allowed in the hospital so when we got home we had nana and pappy dog sitting for us already home. Now the story really begins and I can’t wait to fill you in.

Love mom

I am now a wife! I’ve always wanted to be a wife to my best friend. What’s better than spending the rest of your life adventuring with your favorite person? When we got engaged we originally had planned for a barn wedding venue. We toyed around with the idea of the fantasy of an elopement. So we decided why not! It wasn’t an elopement but instead a destination since we had it planned with family to attend. We got married at Navarre beach, in Navarre florida.

We had it all planned out. We would have our honey moon right after in the same location! We had uncle Brian officiate us, all of your aunts and uncles were apart of the bridal party, and a few of your great uncle and aunts attended as well. Of course both sides of grandparents were present too! I was already dreaming of life as a mom. I was the ultimate girl when it came to our wedding. Planning ahead way into the future and daydreaming life as a wife.

I chose your dad as a life partner because of the love he shows back to me. We make a team that I know I could never have with anyone else. Our communication is too notch. There isn’t anything we don’t have conversations about. NOTHING. It’s beautiful. We are opposite people to the extreme but it truly works out in our favor. Your dad is more low key, calm collected and quiet. He is full of anxiety, very organized with everything, always on time to events, ponders on something for way too long before he makes a purchase, and is the most caring, sensitive loving man you will ever meet in your life. Your dad has a power to make my day better when I didn’t even know i was having a bad day. He is a hard worker and keeps our family afloat. He has goals, ambitions and he never thinks he’s good enough. He is the man I love waking up too, and I am forever growing love for him. He keeps us safe, fed, happy and has a goofy side that is forever busting out of him. He is creative and artistic. He has way too many sound boxes for his guitars, but I don’t tell him because they make him happy. His music is the most beautiful thing to hear in the evenings when he is relaxing. He plays for himself but I always feel as if he is playing for me. Okay, I went a little too long on this post. I could write forever on your dad, okay back to the wedding!

I was 26 when we got married and your dad was 29. We got married in 2017. This was a dream wedding. We had the beautiful white sand, beach and family. What more could we ask for?! We started our journey on a plane from Kansas City, and landed in florida and got a taxi to Navarre.

I will never let you dad forget what I’m about to tell you. We stayed a few days prior to the wedding, and we needed to find some wine to share on our patio out back at our beach house. But Navarre is a small small town. So your dad with the love of bikes had the idea to use the bikes that were part of the house we rented. Which we’re needing a great deal of lubricant, because they were super hard to pedal. But it was our honeymoon! I didn’t want to be the lame new wife so I agreed. He found a store that had alcohol and he were gonna get some food also. Now, preface the fact that yes we could have gotten a car to drive us, buuuuut again your dad and his love for bikes. In the beginning I was up for the challenge! How fun this will be, the memory behind it and the tan I’ll be receiving while riding!

It was HOTT. But the store was 2.5 miles away. Ahh no big deal that’s easy. But it was also 2.5 miles away over an ARCHED bridge that was 1 mile long. Starting off it was good. By the time we finished the bridge we had 1.5 more miles to go. That bride was all uphill mostly. I was tired but kept good spirits. We finally got the the store and we loaded up! I had a bag, your dad had a bag and we got food and drinks! Okay. Soooo now that we have 2.5 miles to track back to our house over a huge uphill bridge with an extra 15 lbs on my bike in 100 degree humidity I was starting to lose spirit. I kept it as a long as I could. But I did mention about 5 times we should call a taxi service but your dad kept saying no he didn’t wanna pay for that we can make it. I continued to roll my eyes and secretly planning a divorce (just kidding! Just humor) but kept good spirit. I started to complain more and more and more. But we kept going. We finally got back to our house. A day later, we found out that the gas station half a mile away had beer and food. Then we laughed about it.

Our wedding day was perfect. When I say that, I honestly mean perfect. I got ready at my parents condo while your dad got ready at our beach house. We had champagne, snacks, and all the girls! Putting on my dress was something I’ll never forget the feeling of. I’m actually getting married! This is crazy! I can’t even believe it! I wasn’t nervous at all marrying your dad. I knew he wouldn’t leave me at the altar, and I was ready to just share his name. We wrote our own vows to one another and read them aloud to our family.

Our honeymoon we spent exploring, a lot of food, and spending so much time at the beach. I collected sea shells and we were only like 50 steps from the beach! We had great neighbors also! We want to go back again and stay here, but this time with our kids. Maybe not this exact beach house for it will be too small for a family of 4, but to Navarre beach florida.

But what is a perfect wedding you ask? Haha it was perfect in my eyes but we had plenty of mishaps! Your dad played the guitar as I walked down the aisle with my dad, it was a beautiful song and an even more beautiful moment, but we were on a public beach! Right as my dad and I are starting to walk down the pier bridge to the beach, a man parasailing crashed feet away from us! It was so scary, he was so high and came crashing down at the speed of lightning. So of course we didn’t walk the aisle to the ceremony for another 15 minutes due to making sure this man was okay and called an ambulance. Your poor father was wondering what happened to me! He had no idea what was going on, as it was out of his sight. So he continued to play his song over on repeat. Luckily this man was okay and refused any responders and was able to walk, unfortunately he said it was a brand new parasail. Phew, okay now that we had that overcome us, now it’s time to walk. We both are up at the alter and as it’s starting and your uncle brian starts to talk, I remember something. I FORGOT my vows. So foolishly I look to my mom and mouth the words “my vows” she had no idea what I was doing or saying to her. I was mortified. My day had been so calm, fun and stress free that I forgot them and I honestly didn’t even know where they were. I was hoping in my parents vehicle that I rode to the beach in. Finally, my mom out loud was like “what??” And I said out LOUD my vows! I forgot them. So my mom ran so fast and returned with my vows to save the day.

After we got married we were having a big party reception with all of our friends and family back in our hometown. We had a small dinner at the beach after the ceremony. A shrimp boil!! It was the best food ever. We then went back to our house had some champagne and went out to a bar for drinks as husband and wife for the first time. Later that night it stormed so we had to track our way back home to the beach house where we watched tv! It was the best day!

We came back to a huge party!! We had so much fun, I can’t say I remember much of it but your dad does! I had a little too many drinks. Not recommended by the way. But it was a very special one time occasion. Here are some pictures to share.

Why did I become a stay at home mom? I LOVED working, and having a sense of value at a workplace, getting out of the house and working my butt off for little pay. I truly did. I met amazing people at work before becoming a mom.

I worked one year, of your life. I worked in a school kitchen as a kitchen manager. I was also still breastfeeding you and pumping milk around the clock. I would work from the hours of 6am-2pm. They were AMAZING hours! Until you become a mom and you have to wake your 4 month old baby up at 5:15 am, to be able to leave the house at 5:30 to be to work on time. To then pickup my sweet baby around 2:30 get home around 3-4:20ish depending if I had a few errands to run to have to put you to bed at 5pm. I only got a SOLID 2 hours with you, my heart was crushing. I got to hear about all of the new things you were doing from your babysitter. I feared there wasn’t enough consoling for you, because I was the mother even though I know she was the best I could have chose for you. I didn’t get to help you eat breakfast, or lunch, or even put you down for a nap. My heart was always so shattered at drop off.

But this is what we are supposed to do right? Get a degree, get married and become a working mom. Society leads us to believe this is the ladder to success for your family. Your dad and I felt different. I wanted to raise you, I wanted to feed you and I didn’t want to put you to bed at 5 pm so that you got your recommended 12 hours of sleep. It wasn’t working for our family. So we made changes to make it happen for me to stay home.

In my opinion, now that I have done both positions As a working mom, and a stay at home mom, I have some insight. I 100% feel it’s harder to be a working mom on the heart. It’s achey, sad, and full of guilt. You have to call in sick because your baby is sick, for the 2nd day in a row, then your boss is asking about backup sitters. When in reality, I was the mom wasn’t it’s okay for me to stay home with MY baby and care for his needs? Jobs don’t care about your personal life, but it’s a must to care about your work life. It’s an unfortunate way of life that we live.

But it’s also hard to be a stay at home mom, you now have to responsibility of being a mom, wife and housekeeper all day everyday and there is no clocking in and clocking out. It’s hard sometimes. If I’m sick I’ve still gotta rise to the prize, you still need fed. The house is always a mess no matter how many hours I spend cleaning after you go to bed. Grocery shopping got harder. But I would 100% still choose this life than a working mom. I am so fortunate your dad gave us this opportunity to let me raise you while he’s at work and put you on our schedule. I love my life so much more.

The hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life wasn’t my 13 mile half marathon, math class in college or birth. It’s being a stay at home mom. It’s also the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done for myself. We go on morning walks, we stay on routine. We read all of the books, go to the library and I get to watch you grow!! When your dad comes home from work I am always telling him the newest word you said today, or the funniest thing you did. You bring SO much joy into my life. I wouldn’t imagine my life any other way than the way it is today.

Love, mom

You’re almost two, in exactly 35 days. You now are in a big boy bed, refusing your booster seat at the table, and speaking all of the words. You drink from a big boy cup, have already pottied on the toilet one time. You amaze me. You are bursting from the seams with personality and you truly do light us a room with your smile. You are always SO HAPPY.

The other day, at supper you handed me your dads empty glass of milk and told me “more”. It was hilarious the way you view life around you. So of course I got up and filled your dadas glass of milk. But just know, dad can get his own milk in the future, but I will forever get your milk my sweet boy.

You are understanding life circulating you, we definitely had a mist of tantrum pour on us for a few weeks, but it’s as if everything clicked. You now understand what we are saying, what we expect, and how to communicate back. I am so proud of how fast you learn everyday! You teach me how to be patient, as I am trying to teach you the same. How crazy is it that am much as I am trying to teach and guide you, in reality you are doing the exact same for me? What a beautiful ring motherhood is. I love you.

I mentioned to your dad how I wish I had a way to track all of the silliest, loving and best moments we have with you, so I can re live them when I am older, lonely without your presence and watching you grow your own family. One day I may not make it on this earth to watch you grow, I want you to know how much I loved this season of life with you. I want to share my experience as if I can relive them forever and more. He mentioned making a personal blog. I’m just now starting this, so I have a lot of backtracking to do.

I am excited to start this blog for you and your baby sister who will be here in 4 months.

Love, mom